In this post, I would like to talk about studying and Tourette and the relationship between two.
My Tourette includes OCD, involuntary movements, and acts that aren’t suitable for public places. It is difficult for me to go outside: especially to open areas. I also have a problem sitting for a long time without moving, and after a while, I need to move, or it will bother me and make me restless. The main problem is that it stays in my head until I perform the movement and that bothers me. It affects my concentration and the ability to study. When I am studying, I need to be focused all the time on the teacher and the subject; otherwise, there is no point in studying and wasting money on this.
Because of my inability to sit for a long time, I have trouble studying, which requires a lot of mental powers. Most of the time, it drains me almost entirely, and I don’t have the mental strength to hold it in, so the Tourette is able to raise its head. I find that I can’t study because my mind is not at a place where it can observe the material that I need and until I find a way to overcome this problem.
I hope that I will overcome this issue soon, but I am not optimistic. It bothers and frustrates me because it’s another aspect of the Tourette that I don’t have control over, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I can manage it but most of the time I fail, which makes me feel helpless, bringing me down every time. I try my best not to let it control me but most of the time without any luck.
I wanted to go back to study and develop myself in the computer field, but I am afraid to go back to studying because of my last experience. Last time I had a couple of panic attacks and the stress just made my Tourette worse. But when I think of it, I come to the conclusion that it was because I studied “accounting” and that is not my field. I want to believe that if I study computers, things will be different this time because it is a field that I work in and find great interest in. But I can’t be sure that it will be different this time around, and I don’t want to take a chance and fail again.
I don’t think that I have the mental strength to handle another disappoint like that. I want my mental toughness to be more dominant, which will help me deal with the Tourette in this area also and won’t let it control me in my decision and in my studying. Lately, I don’t find the mental strength in this area to deal with it, and this frustrates me, as I see it as a submission to the Tourette.