In this post, I want to talk about my fears and concerns and how they are nourishing the Tourette.
Every time that I take something new on myself, I have these kinds of fears and concerns, like when I started to write the blog and the books. The exposure that comes with this is making me more vulnerable and exposed and this scares me, as I have less mental powers to keep the Tourette under control. I was aware of this fact when I started with the writing, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be. But I decided to continue with it and I don’t regret my decision. I just need to learn how to live with this exposure and not let it control me.
By nature, I am closed off and don’t share my feelings about what is going on with me. With this blog, I did a 360 degrees turnaround and went in, contradicting my nature and habits. I must admit that this turnaround did only good for my soul and it helped me to become more open and more calm and relaxed. It also helps me deal with the Tourette better and I feel that I have a place to release my feelings. The comments that I get from my friends and people on the internet are amazing and fill me with a feeling of pride and contentment. The decision that I made of going on with the writing was one of my best ones, and I must give credit to my sister and family that support me.
I see it as a mission that I took on myself, and despite my fears and concern, I will go forward with the blog and the books. I think that it will take some time until I will get used completely to this exposure. In my opinion, the fears and the concerns will always be in the background because it is a part of the work process that I took upon myself. My mother always tells me that this process is about self-discovery that involves a lot of difficulties because you are looking into your soul and dig out the truth about yourself. The more I write, the more she appears to be right.
In conclusion, the fears and concerns will always stay with me, and the only thing that will change is the dosage of it which I hope to keep on a small fire. I came to realize how hard and challenging the work process is, but it also gives me great pride and satisfaction. Despite all the fears and the concerns, I will go forward and will continue with the writing because it gives me great satisfaction and pride that I haven’t felt for a long time. I hope that through the learning process, I will soon get to a place where I can say that I have learned to live with this exposure and am not afraid.