In this post, I want to talk about the conflict that there is between me and the Tourette and the million dollar question: “If I could have Tourette or not have it at all, what would I choose?”
It is also a question that they open with in the movie “The Road Within” and I don’t have a good answer to this question. There are two sides to my dealing with the Tourette, which I will write about on this blog and try to explain the dilemma and why I don’t think that I will have a good answer to this hypothetical question.
On the one hand, there is the Tourette that gives me hard times, and sometimes I curse that I have the Tourette with all that it means. I sometimes hate myself because of that and in the bad times, it’s a fight to stay optimistic. To be honest, it’s most of the time.
On the other hand, I think that having Tourette has toughened me and I have learned about myself a lot. I have found powers in me that I didn’t think I had in me. Because of the Tourette, I think that I am mentally stronger and have mental strength that I developed that helps me deal with the different aspects of my life. I think that if I didn’t have the Tourette, I would have never learned about all the mental strength and powers that help me deal with life, and make me a tougher and more sensitive man.
So the answer to this question is complicated and hard because there are two sides to the equation. On the one hand, there is a part of me that curses and hates the fact that I have the Tourette. On the other hand, there is the part that is a little glad that I have the Tourette because of all the powers and mental strength that I have developed to deal with the Tourette.
When I look at my nephews, I see it clearer, and I see that the powers that I have developed will help me to help them in the future. I feel a warm sense of acceptance from them. I think that my dealing with the Tourette is giving me the mental strength to deal with all of the obstacles that life throws at me. I can share my experience with my nephews and be a better uncle. I know that it might sound weird and it even sounds weird to me as I write this line. But I think that it is a part of the answer to the million dollar question.
I think that this question is a question that I will never have a conclusive answer to and it will escort me all of my life. I hope that sometime in the future I will have an answer for myself. I know one thing, that when I look at my nephews and play with them, I feel complete acceptance with myself.